Onion News Network

Another brilliant bit.

Study joke

I need to figure out how to get someone to pay me to do a study like this one. I predict that my study will find that everyone who has the proper respect for golf and the Minnesota Vikings is smart, and everyone else is dumb.

Craigslist posting of the day

Link.

Yikes

House goes "boom" across the street from friends of ours.

Incapable of shame

James Traficant.

Strange airports

Cool.

Olympic downhill

Experience it here.

Self-parody

There is nothing better.

The Tea Party's choice in the Florida Republican primary, Marco Rubio, began his address to a crowd of conservative conventioneers by taking a shot at President Obama for reading from a teleprompter. He did it while standing in front of two easily visible teleprompters.

Do as I say, not as I do

I generally like the work of Tom Friedman. And, I think that he makes some rational arguments about climate change issues in this particular column. But I do have to say, he would have more credibility if he reduced his own carbon footprint by living in a Georgetown rowhouse instead of here.

Global warming

I think that global warming is a serious concern but that the quality of knowledge in the area at this point is about equal to what we knew 300 years ago about properties of the moon. Krauthammer has stated it well.

I’m not a global-warming believer. I’m not a global-warming denier. I’m a global-warming agnostic who believes instinctively that it can’t be very good to pump lots of CO2 into the atmosphere, but is equally convinced that those who presume to know exactly where that leads are talking through their hats.

But I do have to laugh at people who instinctively blame every natural disaster of any type that have been occurring for millions of years on something we don't really understand at this point. Here is a perfect recent example from a CNN talk show.

ENSLER: Well, I just think the idea that she [i.e., Palin] doesn’t believe in global warming is bizarre.
BEHAR: Every scientist at every note believes in it but Sarah Palin doesn’t believe in it.
ENSLER: And I think we just kind of have to walk around the world at this point and look at what is happening to nature and earthquakes and tsunamis.

So only an idiot would not understand that global warming is causing earthquakes and tsunamis? Words fail me.

Turkish Airlines needs a new marketing consultant

Being There II: The Woman from Alaska

Does this description of Chauncey Gardiner remind anyone of a certain person who is making the talk-show and lecture circuit these days?

Rand is also the confidant and adviser of the U.S. President (Jack Warden), whom he introduces to "Chauncey." Chance's remarks about how the garden changes with the seasons are interpreted by the President as economic and political advice, relating to his concerns about the mid-term unpopularity that many administrations face while in office. Chance, as Chauncey Gardiner, quickly rises to national public prominence. He becomes a media celebrity with appearances on television talk shows, and is soon on the A-list of the most wanted in Washington society. Public opinion polls start to reflect just how much his "simple brand of wisdom" resonates with the jaded American public.

The original "Being There" with Peter Sellers was a comedy that I thoroughly enjoyed. The sequel is a reality show that I find unbearable to watch.

Astonishing

"Snowstorm puts W.H. press corps in danger"

So, there is a winter storm happening on the East Coast and the national news coverage is hysterical. And, now, we get a story with this point -- the reporter is scared because a tree branch snapped, and that in itself is a story that should be on the front page. Everybody panic!

These people are serious candy-asses.

Circular firing squad

"Top Democrats at war - with each other"

In a display of contempt unfathomable in the feel-good days after Obama’s Inauguration, freshman Rep. Dina Titus (D-Nev.) stood up at a meeting with Pelosi last week to declare: “Reid is done; he’s going to lose” in November, according to three people who were in the room.

A Toles cartoon from last week sums it up. As a Vikings fan who saw his team dominate in total yardage, first downs, and time of possession in the NFC Championship Game, only to be done in by unforced errors, I find the cartoon even more insightful than ever:

Vikings: Deja vu all over again

Clearly, somebody was sticking pins in a voodoo doll yesterday at the critical junctures. Whoever you are, you made my 10 year old cry. I hope that you are happy.

A fun game

Try to hit Tiger's girlfriends with golf balls before they get to the press. It takes a little practice to get the timing on the release of the mouse button and to judge the wind, but I made back to back hole in ones on a par 4 and par 5 before I was done. Link.

Olbermann = Coulter

In describing the new junior Senator from Massachusetts, Keith Olbermann's quest to earn the dubious title of "The Ann Coulter of Left" is finally complete.

“In short, in Scott Brown we have an irresponsible, homophobic, racist, reactionary, ex-nude model, teabagging supporter of violence against woman and against politicians with whom he disagrees.”

Now he can transition to the lucrative book market, where I have a suggested title for him that would be Coulter-esque: "Why All Republicans are Nazis Who Want to Rape Your Daughter". Well, have you ever heard a Republican reassure you that he doesn't want to rape your daughter? Hah!, I thought so.*

*When confronted, Olbermann defended the violence against women charge by claiming that some anonymous person at a Brown rally allegedly suggested that his opponent be physically hurt and that Brown did not publicly come out against the alleged remark which there is no reason to believe that he ever heard in the first place, if it was ever in fact made.

Vikings 34, Cowboys 3

What Favre is doing is ridiculous. Highlights here. Revenge for this.

Dallas columnist writes:

When there are 31-point margins of victory in both NFC semifinals, then it's understood that the two best teams in the conference are still standing.

New Orleans, here we come.

Red Cross: Haiti

Click here to donate to the Haiti relief fund. The Red Cross deserves and needs your contribution; Pat Robertson does not.

Uff da

Link. "The reaction people have to Sarah Palin is very much the reaction many people have to Jesus".

Haiti: Scope of Disaster

Hiroshima 1945: "On Monday, August 6, 1945, at 8:15 AM, the nuclear bomb 'Little Boy' was dropped on Hiroshima by an American B-29 bomber, the Enola Gay,^[14] directly killing an estimated 80,000 people. By the end of the year, injury and radiation brought total casualties to 90,000-140,000."

Haiti 2010: "Leading Sen. Youri Latortue told The Associated Press that 500,000 could be dead, although he acknowledged that nobody really knows."

I don't have words.

Earthquake in Haiti

I'm confused. Did the devil cause the earthquake, or did God cause the earthquake as a punishment for the Haitian people's collective pact with the devil?

Game Change: Followup

To be clear, the book is apparently as unflattering to the Clintons and the Edwards as it is to Sarah Palin. But despite the protestations of unfairness on each side of the political aisle, I think that this kind of a book serves a public purpose--even if it is not perfectly sourced--if it in some way keeps honest the people who ask us to vest absolute power in them.

The lesson is that if you can't stand the heat either (1) get out of the kitchen, or (2) don't be a self-absorbed, narcissistic, phony asshole.

Game Change: Palin

Yikes..

John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin may have been a bold stroke that narrowed what would otherwise have been a blowout defeat. But it was also, as the authors depict it, an act of extreme recklessness, a seat-of-the-pants improvisation that allowed for almost no serious vetting of someone who knew diddly-squat about the world we live in and who would have been a heartbeat from the presidency.

"In the days leading up to an interview with ABC News' Charlie Gibson, aides were worried with Ms. Palin's grasp of facts. She couldn't explain why North and South Korea were separate nations and she did not know what the Federal Reserve did. She also said she believed Saddam Hussein attacked the United States on Sept. 11, 2001."

Where'd they find her? Well, on the Internet, as it happens. "McCain's campaign manager, Rick Davis, spotted Sarah Palin while searching the Internet for possible female vice presidential candidates." More from CBS News:

"Her foreign policy tutors are literally taking her through, 'This is World War I, this is World War II, this is the Korean War. This is the how the Cold War worked.' Steve Schmidt had gone to them and said, 'She knows nothing,'" Heilemann told Cooper. "A week later, after the convention was over, she still didn't really understand why there was a North Korea and a South Korea. She was still regularly saying that Saddam Hussein had been behind 9/11. And, literally, the next day her son was about to ship off to Iraq. And when they asked her who her son was going to fight, she couldn't explain that."

Hello, people! Does the name Jim Jones mean anything to you?

Link.

Fox News host Glenn Beck's national domination

By Dana Milbank
Sunday, January 3, 2010; A13

It's official: Americans admire Glenn Beck more than they admire the pope.

This news, at once unsettling and unsurprising, came from the Gallup polling organization on Wednesday. Beck, the new Fox News host who has said President Obama has a "deep-seated hatred for white people" and alternately likens administration officials to Nazis and Marxists, was also more admired by Americans than Billy Graham and Bill Gates, not to mention Bill Clinton and George H.W. Bush. In Americans' esteem, Beck only narrowly trailed South Africa's Nelson Mandela, the man who defeated apartheid.

The 45-year-old recovering alcoholic and Mormon convert has become the first true demagogue of the information age. His nightly diet of falsehoods and conspiracies on Fox, and his daily outrages on the radio, have propelled his popularity past even Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity. His method is simple: He goes places where others are forbidden by conscience. . .

In terms of the political culture, he's more parasite than host. Yet, by any measure, he's had a huge impact on the body politic. . .

As Glenn Beck likes to say: I fear for my country.

Me too.

All is well that ends well

Impressive victory yesterday to close out the season. The result, after getting a little help from the Cowboys, is the #2 seed and first round bye.

Also, any Vikings fan will never forget the Giants' humiliation of the Vikings in the NFC Championship. Whenever someone says "41-donut", we know exactly what they are talking about. So I couldn't have been the only person who was begging Childress to go for it on 4th down near the goal line when the Vikings were leading 34-0, and they did and scored the touchdown. I so much wanted the game to end 41-0, but just seeing that score posted for a few minutes was cathartic.

Highlights here.

Happy New Year

Link.

BAGHDAD - December was the first month since the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq nearly seven years ago in which no U.S. forces died in combat in the country.

Irrationality

Seriously, I again have to question the wisdom of the idiots who run the stock market asylum. Either (1) the experts really thought that Tiger Woods brought a combined $12 billion in goodwill value to these companies when they were buying these stocks, or (2) the experts are just panicing now. Neither choice (1) nor choice (2) suggests that they really have a clue.

Link.

Tiger Woods' extramarital affairs could cost you if you hold stock in a company he sponsors or a mutual fund that holds stock in those companies.

A new study - not yet published in a journal - finds the market value lost to companies that had the golfer as a sponsor is already as high as $12 billion.

Iran

Link.

I predict this is the single event that will crush the tyrant regime of Khamenei and 'Nejad.

Let it be so.

Dumbass

Link.

Passengers told federal investigators that Abdulmutallab went to the bathroom for about 20 minutes. When he returned to his seat, he said he had an upset stomach and pulled a blanket over him. Passengers then heard a popping noise, similar to a firecracker. They smelled an odor and some passengers saw Abdulmutallab's pant leg and the wall of the airplane on fire.

Here is what I don't get: Why did he return to his seat instead of trying to ignite the explosive in the bathroom, where no one would be able to stop him? And why didn't Richard Reid try to light his shoe bomb in the bathroom where no one could stop him? It doesn't make any sense.

Santa

We have been following Santa tonight on the NORAD tracker. Currently, he is in Hartford, CT, with Providence, RI his next stop. Ella is beside herself with excitement. She has insisted on sleeping with the shades open so that she can see him if he flies by her side of the house and she happens to be awake.

Somebody hire me

Seriously, I could be a nationally syndicated columnist if this is all it takes.

Column title: "Violence based on hate has to stop"

Now that is going out on a limb. I wonder how he feels about violence based on love? I guess we will have to wait another day for that column.

Also, take note of the disclaimer at the end of the column: "The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Ruben Navarrette Jr." In other words, if you are pro-violence based on hate, please don't hold Mr. Navarrette's controversial opinion against CNN.com.

Apples to apples

Let's see:

• Jewish man plies child with alcohol at man's home. Check.
• Man sodomizes child. Check.
• Only people with "an anti-Semitic and anti-fag thing" will think that he doesn't deserve to live out the rest of his years in a mansion in France? No check.

Link.

A prominent Twin Cities lawyer who was in line to become president of the Minnesota State Bar Association was charged Monday with plying a teenage boy with alcohol at his home and then raping him.

The crime is reprehensible whether you are famous person who make movies or an average joe who just goes to movies.

Back on track

After a dismal performance last week against the Cardinals, the Vikes got back on track with a convincing win over a team that came in with a 9-3 record. Highlights here.

This is getting old

Today we attended the funeral for another former colleague taken before his time. Mid-50s and on top of the world until 3 months ago, when cancer took over. I have never been to so many funerals in one year. And only one was for someone over 60, and he was only 62. I'm really getting sick of it.

Tiger

Setting aside the asshole factor, I never in my wildest dreams could have imagined that Tiger would be so arrogant and reckless. If the rumors are true that he basically picked a different woman out of the crowd every time he went out "hunting," and that he had ongoing encounters with several of them, his fall from grace will reach historic proportions. He is Exhibit A for the axiom "the bigger they are, the harder they fall." But the real question is, why did it take so long for him to be exposed? It certainly sounds like this was an open secret, which is a concept from a bygone era. How did he keep a lid on it for this long?

SNL finds some humor in this personal disaster for a guy that I previously considered too smart to engage in such self-destructive behavior. Never in his life has he experienced anything but unending praise and hero worship. Now it is ridicule 24/7, and he has become the butt of every comedians' jokes. It has to be killing him.

10-1

The Vikes are making it look easy. Highlights here.

More crazy

Can't Glenn Beck just go away? To me, he makes as much sense as the average homeless guy who walks down the street muttering about the end of the world. But I guess that although I find his schtick annoying, what I find downright scary is the fact that, based on the ratings for his TV show, it obviously resonates with a not inconsequential number of people who don't reside in hospitals for the mentally ill. God help us.

9-1

Highlights here. I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I do know at least two things. First, the team is playing incrementally better every week. That should concern the rest of the NFC playoff teams. Second, what Favre is doing at 40 is beyond incredible. Today's game may be the best game that I have ever seen from a Vikings QB. He was 22 for 25. That set a completion percentage record for the team. And the three incompletions were two dropped passes, and an intentional throwaway. Oh, and 4 TD passes. The Force appears to be with him right now.

Tom Petters

Petters may not be national news, despite his multi-billion dollar Ponzi scheme. In the era of Madoff, that seems to be small potatoes. But to hear him claim that his underlings pulled it all off (billions!) without him having any knowledge because he was distracted while grieving over the death of his son is insulting to our collective intelligence and a disgrace. I don't know how a man like him can look in the mirror.

Problem for Obama

It seems clear to me that Obama is not being served well by his protocol advisors. See here. More importantly, Obama has inflicted upon himself a problem that is likely to hurt him in the 2012 election.

I guarantee that these photos will be prominently re-displayed by the 2012 GOP presidential candidate. I can already see the GOP ads that will be along the lines of the "there is a bear in the woods" ad that Reagan ran so effectively, with these photos and an ominous narrative: "The choice is between a man who begs the rest of the world to like us [Obama], and a man/woman [TBA] who will not bow to anyone."

These are serious unforced errors. Elections should not be influenced by such trivial matters, but they often are. And if Obama's people don't realize now that this is a problem that they will have to deal with during their next campaign, they are stupid.

8-1

Another victory; 27-10. The point difference should have been much higher, but the spread was dead on accurate. Highlights here.

I'm starting to believe that this team might have a destiny. Yet, every season during my lifetime has, ultimately, ended in disappointment.

My earliest memory is (5 years old) crying after the Vikes, 13 point favorites, lost Super Bowl IV to the Chiefs. After that, there were three more Super Bowl losses, and multiple NFC conference championship losses that gradually caused a part of my soul to turn bitter.

So here is to hoping--as much for my 82 year old father who has been a die-hard Vikings fan since they were created almost 40 years ago as for me--that this is "the year."

Whale of an explosion

This is hilarious. This was clearly a guy's idea. "I know, let's blow it up."

Juggling

This is pretty amazing.

3D Sidewalk Chalk Drawings

This stuff is unbelieveably cool. Google the title of this post and you will find a lot more mind-blowing stuff.

Generosity

One of our local football players was making mischief during the bye week.

But one Minnesota Viking did something different last week. He spent a day with egghead intellectuals at a health-care symposium, then gave away $2 million the next day to improve health care in impoverished communities.

And Williams is not alone among the Vikings. AP gives a lot back too.

I'm proud to root for these guys.

Veterans Day

Here is the video of Obama's speech at Fort Hood yesterday. It will be remembered in the same category as Reagan's wonderful speech after the Challenger disaster.

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

It is a game

I expect professional athletes who get paid millions of dollars to show up for every game, if at all realistically possible. But there is a line between suck-it-up and outright stupidity. So, along that line, my view is that that anyone who criticizes Ryan Clark for not playing tonight should go out and stand on a railroad track and play chicken with the train. Make a bet in advance so that you can say that you did it for the money.

Link.

DENVER -- The Pittsburgh Steelers do not plan to play safety Ryan Clark on Monday night in Denver because of concern over Clark's health, an NFL source said Sunday.

Clark has a rare blood condition that nearly caused him to die after his last game played in Denver in 2007. Clark was hospitalized in Denver when complications from sickle-cell trait prevented oxygen from flowing into his spleen. He later needed operations to remove his spleen and gall bladder, and the 205-pound Clark lost more than 30 pounds before he finally began feeling better more than two months later.

Clark received medical clearance to play Monday night, however, the source said the Steelers decided it wasn't worth the risk. . .

How this was ever a close call is beyond me.

November 9, 1989

This is the 20th anniversary of one of the top few most historic days in my lifetime. It causes me to think of my younger days, and a man who greatly influenced the course of world events.

During the first semester of my freshman year in college, ABC aired the made for TV movie, The Day After. I remember having nightmares after watching it and having it really sink in for the first time that the entire country could be virtually destroyed within 30 minutes if a leader in the Soviet Union got an itchy trigger finger. That movie, as much anything, started my course of study in international relations and national security issues.

Two years later, after taking every available course at St. Olaf in those areas, I transferred to The George Washington University so that I could major in international affairs. I wanted to know everything I could about the political systems and military capabilities of the Soviet Union and its satellite countries in Eastern Europe. While I was in Washington, I was also lucky enough to procure an internship at the State Department in the Bureau of Politico-Military Affairs. There, I got a behind the scenes look at how foreign affairs regarding military issues operate at levels that don't make the newspapers. It was absolutely fascinating.

During my college years, Reagan was president. Although he was caricatured by his opponents, particularly in Western Europe, as a war-mongering cowboy (not unlike another president 20 years later), I was absolutely convinced that he was pursuing policies that offered the best chance to protect the country from the potential catastrophe of war. And, in fact, his steadfastness in the face of the protests over the deployment of Pershing missiles and cruise missiles in West Germany led directly to the INF Treaty, the first treaty ever to actually result in the reduction of the number of nuclear weapons rather than just limitations on increases in the number of nuclear weapons.

But Reagan's greatest contribution to West Germany was a speech that was heard around the world. It didn't start the snowball, but it definitely gave it a huge boost.

Which leads back to this day in history. It would not have happened, at least as quickly and and peacefully as it did, but for Ronald Reagan. And for that, the Gipper deserves an honorable mention on this day.

Fort Hood

If this NPR story is true (audio below), it seems to me to be less plausible, rather than more plausible, that Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan (the shooter) had actual connections to (as opposed to a shared philosophy with) al-Qaeda. If this story is true, Hasan was desperately trying to bring attention to himself and his murderous and extremist beliefs and his colleagues and superiors were not listening. If this story is true, the fallout is going to be massive.

The difference between how men and women think

In 10 minutes. Very funny. But only because it is so insightful.

Benedict Arnold returns home

The traitor returned to Lambeau. And he lit up the Packers with 4 touchdown passes.

I'm sure that today he is thinking that life is pretty sweet. Highlights here.

Sleepless in Wayzata

I had a gut wrenching, isolated talk with a 10 year old boy tonight at our Halloween party. This boy has endured unspeakable tragedy recently. His Dad, my age, just died; no warning. My words to the distraught boy, which I deemed well selected at the time, seem empty in retrospect. The only thing that I could think of, in general substance conveyed over several minutes, was that "as unfair as this is, you have got to keep going on living your life one day at a time, while always honoring his memory." After an hour in bed trying to figure out how I might have selected my words differently, and still coming up empty, I gave up and got up seeking a way to distract my thoughts. So far, it isn't working.

What do you say to a 10 year old who just lost a parent?

Another edition of "Not from the Onion"

I saw this story headline on an airport TV screen today and I had to look it up when I got home (3 hours late) to find out whether CNN was actually serious.

Mate debate: Is monogamy realistic?

. . . . In the age of hookups, friends with benefits and online dating, and as human life expectancy grows, is it still reasonable to expect people to pair up and stay monogamous until death do them part?

"It's realistic that some people can mate for life in the same sense that some people can play the Beethoven violin concerto or other people can ice-skate beautifully or learn a new language," said psychiatrist Judith Eve Lipton.

You have to be exceptionally gifted to maintain a monogamous relationship?

More Polanski

One of my few readers has figured out what will enrage me. Hat-tip: DG.

I believe that there is such a thing as a victimless crime. But Polanski's crime does not fit into that category.

Gore Vidal.

In September, director Roman Polanski was arrested in Switzerland for leaving the U.S. in 1978 before being sentenced to prison for raping a 13-year-old girl at Jack Nicholson’s house in Hollywood. During the time of the original incident, you were working in the industry, and you and Polanski had a common friend in theater critic and producer Kenneth Tynan. So what’s your take on Polanski, this many years later?

I really don’t give a fuck. Look, am I going to sit and weep every time a young hooker feels as though she’s been taken advantage of? . . .

What do you mean?

The media can’t get anything straight. Plus, there’s usually an anti-Semitic and anti-fag thing going on with the press – lots of crazy things. The idea that this girl was in her communion dress, a little angel all in white, being raped by this awful Jew, Polacko – that’s what people were calling him – well, the story is totally different now from what it was then.

A "respected" author suggesting that the 13 year old girl had it coming? And I am anti-Semitic and homophobic for disapproving of an adult male sodomizing a 13 year girl?

I'm not a tough guy, but if any guy said that in front of me and I thought he was serious, I'm not sure that I could resist the urge to punch him. If we aren't committed to protecting children, we are worthless as a society. Gore Vidal is a disgrace of a human being.

Detroit

In 1950, Detroit was the 4th largest city in the United States. I have business there this week. My airfare was $1300. Today, that amount would be more than enough to put 20% down on a decent house there. And they can't even give away land. And the City's football team was the first to ever go 0-16 last year. Other than that, everything is going great.

Adrian Peterson highlight

I'm not going to post the game highlights as I don't want to see them again, but this particular play must be preserved. It will be remembered for a long time. The quote from the guy he ran over was that "He can't be human."

It reminds me of the first play on this Earl Campbell highlight video. I will never forget the hurt that he put on that guy.

Brett Favre's return to Lambeau

Yesterday was disappointing. The Vikings clearly could have won that game but for 2 bad plays and 1 horrible penalty call by an official that wiped out a Vikings' touchdown.* But they weren't going to go undefeated this year, and losing to the defending Super Bowl Champions at their house is not shameful.

I wonder if there is going to be any attention for the Vikes game next week. Let's check the schedule. Oh, yeah, it is the Packers at Lambeau. Homecoming weekend of a sort.

From StubHub.

Time Left to Purchase: 2d 2h 22m
Details
Minnesota Vikings at Green Bay Packers Tickets
Sun, Nov 1, 2009 at 3:15 PM (CST) at Lambeau Field in Green Bay, WI
Section: Lower Level Sideline 115
Row: 1
Price:$2,999.00 each
Quantity: 2

This is the most ridiculous price that I could find for a non-suite ticket, but a serious premium will be necessary to score any ticket to this game. It should be fun.

* Peter King: "This game should have gone to OT after a Vikings field goal knotted it at 20, or the Vikings should have had a touchdown with less than a minute to go -- leading to a narrow victory."

Rerun

The NY Times is repeating this story. So I will too. This is an amazing young man.

Another Edition of "Not from The Onion"

"Sicilian prefers prison to house arrest with wife"

Marathon snobbery

As someone who has (1) run a marathon in extreme humidity on a course where the last 7 miles were uphill (Twin Cities: 4 hours 25 minutes), (2) run a second marathon on a flat course in perfect long distance running weather (Phoenix: 4 hours 10 minutes), and (3) walked a marathon with my wife on the hilliest course possible that ended with her in the emergency room after she battled through pain and tears just to finish (Bar Harbor: 7 hours, 3o minutes), I think that I have standing to comment on this New York Times article.

Every weekend during this fall marathon season, long after most runners have completed the 26.2-mile course — and very likely after many have showered, changed and headed for a meal — a group of stragglers crosses the finish
line.

Many of those slower runners, claiming that late is better than never, receive a finisher’s medal just like every other participant. Having traversed the same route as the fleeter-footed runners — perhaps in twice the amount of time — they get to call themselves marathoners.

And it’s driving some hard-core runners crazy.

And my comment is this: "Take the stick out of your butt and your nose out of the air, people." The faster runners never see the people behind them after the first 1/4 mile. Are you saying that it somehow degrades your accomplishment if someone doesn't finish by some arbitrary time that you consider worthy? If the City and the event organizers are willing to leave the roads open and to provide services until everyone who wants to finish gets to finish, why should you care?

And how many of you sub 4-hour marathoners can break 85 on a regulation golf course? If not, by your logic, I guess that you should be banned from even playing the game. I mean, when you shoot 100, it must make a mockery of an 80 that I shot 2 hours earlier. Why, I'm not sure; it just does.*

(*To be clear, I also don't object to organizers setting a time limit, just like I don't object to St. Andrews requiring proof of an 18 handicap or less to play golf there. But if an event or destination wants to market for the masses and you don't approve, don't go. Don't bitch that someone who you consider to be inferior somehow crashed your party.)

This is too weird

Link. The flight voice recorder will eventually reveal the true story.

Contact with the Northwest Airlines plane was lost for an hour as it flew at 37,000ft, sparking hijack fears.

The crew said they had been distracted by a "heated discussion" but officials will check if they had fallen asleep. . .

The plane's cockpit voice recorder and flight data recorder have been taken from the plane and are being sent to the board's laboratory in Washington, DC.

Not from The Onion

UPDATE: Maybe the first report regarding the "facts" weren't 100% accurate. My sympathy for this guy is now on hold.

Link.

SPRINGFIELD, Va. - Eric Williamson faces an indecent exposure charge after a passerby saw him in the buff in his own home making coffee.

It happened at 5:30 a.m. Monday. Channel 5 reports the woman and 7-year-old boy who saw him naked apparently had cut through Williamson's front yard from a nearby path. . .

They were trespassing, they looked in this guy's window while it was dark outside so he would not have been able to see that they were there, and they then called the police because he was naked in his own house. And the police arrested him. Are you kidding me?

Glenn Beck is insane

He truly is Howard Beale.

Link.

“We call them progressives [i.e., liberals] now, but back in Samuel Adams’ day, they used to call them tyrants. A little later, I think they were also called slave owners,"
- Glenn Beck.

Drunkest guy ever . . .

. . . caught on security camera.

Charley Walters is a dope

Link.

The Vikings' strength is defensive line, with stars Jared Allen and Kevin Williams. But they could make it even stronger by trading for another defensive lineman . . .

Although they already have Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor, the Vikings could also add depth at running back by trading a precious draft pick for another running back. (And I could add depth at my canine position by trading Jack the Cat for a 4th dog.) Or maybe, just maybe, it would make more sense to consider trading for a defensive back, a position at which we need immediate help.

How he gets paid for this dribble is one of the great mysteries in this world.

Vikings: 6-0

Highlights. Based on my behavior, my wife declared me to be insane after the Ravens' last second field goal went wide left. She just does not get it. But I love her regardless of her faults.

Interesting question

Link. Read it all.

People can, and undoubtedly will, argue for some time about whether President Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Meanwhile, though, there's a simpler and more immediate question: Does the Constitution allow him to accept the award?

Article I, Section 9, of the Constitution, the emolument clause, clearly stipulates: "And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign State."

This sounds like a technicality, but if it is unconstitutional without explicit congressional consent, it is unconstitutional. We can't just decide that we will respect about some parts of the Constitution but not others because they aren't that important. Out of respect for the Constitution, Congress should pass a resolution authorizing Obama to accept the Prize.

Words escape me

Link.

NEW ORLEANS – A Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have. Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long.

"I'm not a racist. I just don't believe in mixing the races that way," Bardwell told he Associated Press on Thursday. "I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else."

Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.

I don't even know what to say.

Pakistan

The situation in Pakistan is starting to make me very nervous. The Taliban with nuclear weapons would not be a tolerable situation. I hope that people smarter than me have a strategy.

Further justification for the Nobel

Obama To Enter Diplomatic Talks With Raging Wildfire

5-0

If you look at the boxscore, you will find that a woeful St. Louis team had more first downs and more total yards than the Vikings. Yet, it was a blowout on the scoreboard, 38-10. (Highlights here.) But not a truly dominating performance. Two weeks from now, after we have played Baltimore and Pittsburgh, we will know a lot more about this club.

Cub Scout camping

My son and I leave tomorrow morning for an overnight Cub Scout camp where there will be approximately 5000 Cub Scouts, plus 5000 parents, and we will sleep in tents. If that is not crazy enough, the forecast for tomorrow is for a high temperature of 37 degrees (with snow flurries) and an overnight low of 24 degrees. Jealous?

Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize

Seriously? For what? Speeches? Listen, I voted for Obama, and I think that he has made some good foreign policy moves, but he has also stumbled. And what has actuallly been accomplished so far?

Richard Cohen is sarcastic:

In a stunning announcement, Millard Fillmore Senior High School chose Shawn Rabinowitz, an incoming junior, as next year’s valedictorian. The award was made, the valedictorian committee announced from Norway of all places, on the basis of “Mr. Rabinowitz’s intention to ace every course and graduate number one in class.” In a prepared statement, young Shawn called the unprecedented award, “f---ing awesome.”

At the same time, and amazingly enough, the Pulitzer Prize for Literature went to Sarah Palin for her stated intention “to read a book someday.” The former Alaska governor was described as “floored” by the award, announced in Stockholm by nude Swedes beating themselves with birch branches, and insisted that while she was very busy right now, someday she would make good on her vow to read a book. “You’ll see,” she said from her winter home in San Diego.

James Joyner notes that Ronald Reagan was not ever awarded the prize despite the fact that he actually won the Cold War without a shot fired.

This smells like a situation where a person is promoted at work over a more experienced and proven co-worker based on looks. It cheapens the award.

Twins win division

Unbelievable. Both going 17-4 in the last 21 games to come from 7 games back in September (and 3 games back with 4 to play, which has never been done bef0re), and the play-in game itself.

This is the quote from Ron Gardenhire, the Twins manager: "We witnessed one of the best baseball games I have ever been a part of in my whole life."

And this is from a writer for the Detroit Free Press after he described the ups and downs of the game: "This was one of the most amazing games any of us have ever seen."

And this from the beat writer for the Twins: "What a night. Unreal."

If I were a Yankee fan, I would be nervous.

Surreal

Favre had an almost perfect game to beat the Packers. It is feels great and weird at the same time. Here are the hightlights. And Jared Allen was an animal on defense. Sometimes it is really fun to be a football fan.

My sports teams

The next 2 days, and possibly 3 days if the Twins have a playoff game, are going to be so much fun.

Twins vs. Tigers battle for the title on the last day of the season after the Twins were a supposedly insurmountable 7 games back in the last month

For the third time in four years, the Twins enter the final day of the regular season with a chance to win the American League Central.

Vikings vs. Packers on MNF, with Favre at quarterback for the Vikings.

"This is probably the most anticipated game I think, for a regular season game, that I've ever been a part of," Leber said.

I stocked up on Budweiser.

Baseball's code

I really wish that I better understood baseball's unwritten code. Like whether or not it is acceptable to try to steal signs, when it becomes unacceptable to try to steal bases, and when a beaning is not only acceptable, but the beaned batter does not get mad at the pitcher for the beaning, but his own teammate for provoking it. Heck, our manager said that "[t]hey did the right thing” by intentionally hitting one of our players with a baseball at 90 mph.

More Polanski

This has really gotten under my skin in a "Mussolini made the trains run on time so he wasn't that bad" kind of way. From an invited contributer on NY Times editorial page today we find this:

"Of course what happened cannot be excused, either legally or ethically."

But he objects to -

"[t]he almost pornographic relish with which his critics are retelling the lurid details of the assault ."

Meaning, he objects to anyone actually reminding people of the reprehensible nature of Polanksi's actions. And then there is this:

"His past did not bother me . . . "

I guess that he was not bothered like Frank Sinatra was not bothered by the bad acts of the Mafia guys with whom he associated.

And as I mentioned in an update below, Woody Allen has now spoken. A film producer who married his daughter defending another film producer who is a child rapist. I wonder if they have some sort of secret society.

I say, again, what is wrong with these people? He is a convicted rapist and fugitive who gave the finger to the justice system. How can there be two sides to this story?

UPDATE: "The French" don't seem to agree with their Culture Minister, whatever the heck that job is.

Seven Days in May

I really liked Seven Days in May. But this guy, who apparently worked in the Johnson and Carter administrations, is nuts.

Roman Polanski

I used to respect Anne Applebaum's opinion. Not any more. Polanski is a pedophile who drugged and raped a 13 year old girl, pled guilty to the crime, and then fled the country before sentencing and has been living the very good life in France ever since. "We should just let bygones be bygones" is a pathetic argument in his defense. And to call his arrest "outrageous" is, well, outrageous.

UPDATE: Link.

"To see him thrown to the lions and put in prison because of ancient history — and as he was traveling to an event honoring him — is absolutely horrifying," French Culture Minister Frédéric Mitterrand said after Polanski was arrested upon arrival in Switzerland to attend the Zurich Film Festival, where he was to receive a lifetime achievement award. "There's an America we love and an America that scares us, and it's that latter America that has just shown us its face."

There is a France that we love and a France that disgusts us, and it's that latter France that has just shown its face.

And Whoopi Goldberg says that it wasn't "rape-rape." That might be true; it was child rape.

What is wrong with these people?

UPDATE 2: Woody Allen wants Polanski released. That changes everything.

That was fun

Link to game winning touchdown video.

Plus: Harvin to the house. It looked like he was twice as fast as anyone else on the field.

Stupidity

Here is the definition.

"You have got to be kidding me" category

This might be the dumbest public relations strategy that I have ever seen. Also, finding a sympathetic jury might be a wee bit difficult. For Pete's sake, even Barney Frank is against you now.

All Day

Today's highlights. Not gaudy numbers, but the man is a football player. Check out the play that starts at about 00:24. Rather than just step out of bounds, he decided to punish the defender.

Missile defense

For missile defense supporters, hold the hyperbole. If you don't trust Obama, trust Gates.

"This new approach provides a better missile defense capability for our forces in Europe, for our European allies and eventually for our homeland than the program I recommended almost three years ago," said Gates, who was defense chief in the last two years of the Bush administration and stayed on when Obama took office.

Dumbass

Michael Crabtree could be the dumbest guy ever born. The NFL pays by a slot system. The number 9 pick makes more than the number 10 pick, and the number 10 pick makes more than the number 11 pick. You don't get to change the rules by having a temper tantrum. So Crabtree is playing chicken, threatening to sit out a year (and not get paid) and to re-enter the draft next year (where he will drafted much lower and, therefore, paid much less, because he will have established himself as a confirmed prima donna). The stupidness and greed (he has been offered $28.5 million with almost $18 million guaranteed) is astounding. He needs the NFL much more than the NFL needs him. He does not seem to grasp that fact of life.

Federer

You don't have to be a tennis fan to appreciate this amazing shot.

He's Back

Video highlights from today's game.

Never forget

Every year I Google to find and re-read this piece.

Hypocrisy

The true believers almost always turn out to be exposed as hypocrites. Time to expose another.

Popular right-wing blogger: "Debating public policy issues is not "bickering." Disagreeing with a proposal to radically change one of the largest sectors of our economy is not a "game." This kind of gratuitous insult--something we never heard from President Bush, for example--is one of the reasons why many consider Obama to be mean-spirited."

Bush, 2001: "It is time to set aside the old partisan bickering and finger-pointing and name-calling that comes from freeing parents to make different choices for their children."

I'm sure that if I invested the time, I could find many more similar quotes. The point is, I can't stand it when either side takes a self-righteous "we have never done and would never do such a thing" attitude. It is all bullsh*t.

__________________

P.S.: Popular right-wing blogger's past proclamation: "It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile."

I concur

Ted Kennedy - RIP

More Favre

Favre

So it is done. The local media followed his SUV from the airport to Vikings HQ via helicopter like he was O.J. Simpson on the run. This is going to be a crazy year. And Zigi Wilf got his immediate payoff; 2000 season tickets sold in 3 hours last night.

Personally, I'm not convinced that he has much left in the tank. However, a used BMW is still probably better than a new Fiat, so why not.

Cartoon of the day

Sadness

Today, the wife of a colleague and friend of mine lost her long battle with cancer. She was younger than me, and it is the second death in a couple of weeks of someone close to my age who had been a dinner guest at our house.

I don't need any more reminders that life is short. Please stop.

This is satire, right?

Let's just all go hide under our beds. Oh, we should probably also blow up the Statue of Liberty before the bad guys do.

Link.

MASSENA, N.Y. — It has been nearly eight years since the 9/11 terrorist attacks, but the fears and anxieties they gave rise to continue to take a toll on the design of public buildings. Even the words “United States,” it seems — when spelled out in the wrong size and color — can be an unacceptable security risk.

Four years ago, when the federal General Services Administration unveiled its plans for a new border-crossing station here in northeastern New York State, the design was presented as part of the agency’s campaign to raise the dismal standards of government architecture. Even many in the famously fractious architectural community celebrated the complex — particularly its main building, emblazoned with glossy yellow, 21-foot-high letters spelling “United States” — as a rare project the government could point to with pride. The Customs
and Border Protection agency of the Department of Homeland Security seemed to like it too. After years of working closely with the architects, the New York firm of Smith-Miller & Hawkinson, the agency signed off on the final version of the project in 2007.

Yet three weeks ago, less than a month after the station opened, workers began rying the big yellow letters off the building’s facade on orders from Customs and order Protection. The plan is to dismantle the rest of the sign this week. “At the end of the day, I think they were somewhat surprised at how bold and how bright it was,” said Les Shepherd, the chief architect of the General Services Administration, referring to the customs agency’s sudden turnaround. “There were security concerns,” said Kelly Ivahnenko, a spokeswoman for the customs agency. “The sign could be a huge target and attract undue attention. Anything that would place our officers at risk we need to avoid.”

Life is short

I have had too many reminders of this fact of life recently. But here is another.

SAN DIEGO (AP) — Six weeks after Phil Mickelson announced his wife had breast cancer, his mother was diagnosed with the disease and is to have surgery later this week.

The San Diego Union-Tribune reported on its Web site that Mary Mickelson discovered she had breast cancer last week. She is to have surgery Friday at the MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, the same hospital where Mickelson's wife, Amy, had surgery last Wednesday.

Sarah Palin

As I stated at the time, one reason that I decided to support Obama in the last election was because the idea of Sarah Palin becoming president scared me. It still does. With respect to the current circus, Eugene Robinson, a man with whom I agree with infrequently, states it well:

You can say that all of us who ever took Sarah Palin seriously -- or pretended to take her seriously -- should be deeply ashamed. And you can say that John McCain should publicly apologize for putting the nation he loves at risk by choosing Palin as his running mate. Imagining Palin within a heartbeat of the presidency should be enough to make even die-hard Republicans shudder. . .

The thing is, Palin's unsuitability for high public office has been obvious all along. Tina Fey got it right; the rest of us were far too reluctant to state plainly that the emperor, or empress, has no clothes.

There are basically two reasons the political class and the commentariat continue to speak and write about Palin as if she were a substantial figure whose presence on the national stage is anything but a cruel, unfunny joke. The first is fear -- not of Palin and her know-nothing legions, but of being painted as elitist and sexist. . .

The other reason Palin is taken more seriously than she deserves is that she has a constituency. Heaven help us.